


Lady Satan Versus The Vulture

by lazarwolff



Series: OMG They Were Roommates [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Collection: Purimgifts Day 3, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazarwolff/pseuds/lazarwolff
Summary: Gina loves being a firestarter, but defuses a situation in a different way than her usual MO.





	Lady Satan Versus The Vulture

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xslytherclawx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/gifts).



Gina  _ loves  _ being a goddamn firestarter, she thinks while she starts Rosa’s stove with a little flame from her middle finger (Tell  _ me  _ to stay out of a kitchen you never use? I don’t think so) and contemplates what out of Rosa’s sparsely stocked fridge she wants to char for a snack.

Rosa got up at an unholy hour to save the city, and Gina is boooored. She crunches on her burnt bacon and turns on the television, leaving greasy fingerprints on the television remote. There are barely any shenanigans happening on the news, which means Rosa is probably trying to prevent something dreadful-wonderful before it happens. Her actual superhero name is Crimson Reckoning, but Gina likes to call her the Crimson Killjoy, which is a better name and alliterative to boot.

She remembers their first clash, an exasperated Rosa disrupting a bank heist that took more effort than Gina would like to admit.

“This is clearly the work of a very smart person,” she said, stepping over a fire. “So why are you wasting your brains on crime?”

“Why are you wasting your  _ god-given body _ on fighting it?” Gina asked, and lit up her fist. “Lots of whys in this bank today, so why don’t I save everyone a bunch of time? I am robbing this bank because I’m used to a certain standard of living, but working is antithetical to my existence. I would much rather fight you than be on someone else’s time, Crimson Cutie.”

And thus began the five years of adversarial, sexual tension, probably the best five years of Gina’s life because freelance supervillainy is exactly her kind of job, and Rosa is the perfect superhero to keep things a challenge. This… situation is less than ideal, but part of being a fabulous dancer is the ability to always land on your feet. She won’t have to share this cramped apartment with the Crimson Killjoy for much longer.

The phone rings, and Gina lets it go straight to voicemail because she isn’t Rosa’s secretary, and doesn’t even answer her own phone.

“Hi, Lady Satan.”

It’s Rosa’s voice, and completely begrudging.

“I know you’re there, so just listen. Your weird evil friends have taken me captive in this extremely bougie underground lair. I’m going to deal with it, don’t come down here even if they say they’re torturing me. I’ve got it handled, and don’t call this number back.”

Gina picks up before Rosa can hang up.

“Which of my weird evil friends, Rosa?” she asks. “I’ll put them in a sarcophagus.”

“I didn’t think you would pick up,” Rosa says. “Hang up right now.”

“Is it Doug Judy? I’ll eat his mother.”

“That’s way too dark, Gina, and you don’t need to do anything, I’m just giving you a heads up that they’re going to call about a ransom. Don’t pay the ransom.”

“Did they hurt you?” Gina asks, and Rosa doesn’t answer immediately. “If they’ve hurt you, then I am not making any promises. About paying a ransom or… any of it.”

She hangs up before Rosa can answer, and sure enough, a weird evil friend calls her.

“Hey Lady Satan, I have your pet hero, the Crimson Reckoning,” the Vulture (not the cool Spider-Man universe villain, the stupid real universe villain) says. “How about a cold two-fifty, and you can have her back with all her limbs?”

“Idiot,” Gina says. “You cut off one of the Crimson Reckoning’s limbs, and she’ll just get a cyborg limb that can deadlift three hundred pounds as a replacement. Why would I pay you a quarter million for someone I haven’t even thought of in three weeks?”

“Maybe because you’re living with her?”

“I feel like I would know if I were? This is the first I’ve heard about cohabiting with my arch nemesis,” Gina says, twirling the phone’s cord while she thinks. “You should let her go anyway, I’ve been getting bored without her input.”

“Is input what you call getting nasty with a goodie two shoes?” the Vulture laughs, and Gina rolls her eyes. “Tell you what, I’ll knock it down to fifty grand.”

“Do you need to make rent or something?” Gina says. “Ten thousand dollars for the Reckoning. If she’s slipping so much she can be captured by you, she’s not worth a dollar more.”

“Twenty thousand dollars.”

“Eight, asshole.”

“All right! Ten!”

“I thought so,” Gina says, and hangs up.

Rosa is returned to the apartment, and Gina has a beer for her as she stalks through the door.

“I told you not to interfere,” Rosa says, sitting down heavily.

“You should know by now that I don’t do what you tell me to,” Gina says. “Did that creep do anything to you?”

“Made some noise about how he was going to cut off my limbs,” Rosa says with a grimace. “Roughed me up a little. I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep.”

_ Nobody gets to hurt you except for me,  _ Gina thinks, the fire monster in her heart beginning to roar. Instead she sits with her own beer.

“We should order takeout.”

“With what money? Didn’t you just pay the Vulture ten thousand dollars so I could come home?”

“I’m very wealthy. Crime pays.”

Rosa rolls her eyes, but doesn’t protest when Gina calls a good Chinese place and gets them several orders of noodles and veg.


End file.
